Bouncing thoughts
I often have sleepless nights.
It starts with a single thought, but then one thought leads to another and another, and soon it looks like a mini reactor with thoughts dividing and bouncing inside my head. Sometimes it's anxiety spiralling into life decisions. Often it's uncertainties or unresolved issues at work, or ideas about new projects.
That may be because night is the only time when my brain is free from external stimuli and allowed to wander freely.
Occasionally, I manage to redirect the thoughts and fall asleep. I used to practise meditation, and the techniques sometimes help to calm the mind. Sometimes it's enough just to write them down to soothe the mind.
When I do have time during the day, I use my notes to develop the thoughts a bit further. When that happens, it's such a relief.
Long walks paired with a paper notebook and pen are also a good way to think through and process things. Although I don't really manage to shut the laptop and walk outdoors in the middle of a workday.
I often hesitate and keep unprocessed thoughts inside, hoping to polish them before allowing anyone else to see them. What happens in reality is that they pile up and occupy space in my head. Even with this post, I feel hesitation whilst writing it. I need to allow myself to share more unpolished stuff—be it on this blog or at work.
But that's hard. Where is it acceptable to stop and hit “publish”?
I think I need to realise the difference between unstructured and underdeveloped thoughts. What I struggle with most, and where my hesitation grows, is structuring my ideas into a meaningful, easy-to-follow form. But once that's done, once an idea is wrapped up, it must face the real world to develop further.